


Nearly Free

by imrnlyn



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Coupzi, Depression, Gen, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jicheol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:20:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25881226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imrnlyn/pseuds/imrnlyn
Summary: Seungcheol was gone and Jihoon just felt so terribly empty.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 14
Kudos: 26
Collections: Challenge 1: Kidult





	Nearly Free

**Author's Note:**

> This might be triggering for some so PLEASE please read the trigger warnings and tags carefully.
> 
> It’s my first time writing something of this sort. I also do not know how hospital protocols work. Remember that this is a work of fiction, everything is made up. I apologize in advance for possible inaccuracies of medical terms and procedures, etc.

_It’s okay_  
_Your world is precious and precious again just as you are right now_  
_Stay here with me_  
_After I laughed it off like an adult_  
_Even when I cry like a child_  
_We resemble each other a lot_  
_Let’s be together_  
_Just as you are_  
_Like a kidult_

_~_

_Jihoon should’ve said something._

_He should’ve told him._

“We have a 24 year old, male. Car accident at 9PM. Severe head trauma, suspected rib fracture from the airbag and possible internal bleeding, right femur fractured, right scapula dislocated. Get OR-2 prepped. We’re going to do an X-Ray, MRI, and CT.” She announces, pausing for a few beats to breathe.

“Are his family here yet?” The attending ER doctor inquires as they lift Seungcheol to the bed from the stretcher, hooking him up to the monitors and ventilator.

“They’re on their way, doc.” The nurse replies, jotting down his vital signs on her clipboard.

Jihoon came as soon as he could when he heard. He knew Seungcheol had been out drinking and he knew it was still because of his break-up with Jeonghan from months ago.

Seungcheol spent sixteen hours in the operating room. Jihoon never left while the doctors repaired whatever they could of Seungcheol.

“Mr. and Mrs. Choi, we did everything we could…”

Seungcheol woke up once, two days after the operation.

Jihoon knew they signed a do-not-resuscitate order. The damage to Seungcheol’s brain was so severe, he had been on life support. There was no doubt in the doctor’s minds that he wouldn’t suffer brain damage or if he would even recover at all.

“Cheol,” He calls out, voice coming out small. “I’m here.”

Seungcheol smiled at him, gentle, despite numerous tubes going through his body. He couldn’t even talk.

“Cheol, please tell me you’ll hold on.” Jihoon begged.

Seungcheol’s smile faded, a tear falling down his bruised cheek.

He was in so much pain. His body was broken in so many different places but he still reached for Jihoon’s hand, holding it tightly to convey whatever words he wanted to tell him but couldn’t.

“We’ve been friends forever. What would I do without you?” Jihoon said, his voice breaking, as tears uncontrollably ran down his face. “The one time I didn’t accept your offer, this happens.”

Seungcheol had asked Jihoon that night to come with him but, Jihoon had to work on his paper due early the next day.

He felt Seungcheol squeeze his hand, nodding at him once. _‘It’s okay. You’ll get by. You’ll be okay.’_

“If,” Jihoon sobbed. “If I gave you reason, would you—would you stay?”

Seungcheol looked at him expectantly.

“Seungcheol, I— I—“

The grip on his hand started to loosen.

Beeeeeeeeeeeep

And then nothing.

“Time of death, 8:41PM. Date, September 28.”

_If I told you I’ve loved you all this time, would you have stayed?_

_I can’t do this without you._

It had been a year since Seungcheol left and Jihoon had been blaming himself for just as long.

He never went to the funeral thinking that, maybe, if he didn’t see him lowered into the ground, it wouldn’t feel as real. But, Seungcheol was gone and it just wasn’t same without him.

“Hyung,” Seokmin had said one afternoon. “If you want to ask for help, you know I’m here right?”

“Thanks.” Jihoon quietly replied, carrying the last box of his belongings into their mom’s house because he was no longer capable of taking care of himself.

Seokmin watched sadly as he went inside.

It was like his brother died the same day Seungcheol did.

And eventually, Jihoon got tired of waiting alone in an empty house for a knock that would never come.

_Maybe pain would be such a better compromise…_

Jihoon picks up the phone. “Seokmin?”

“Hi! This is Seokmin. I’m away at the moment but you can leave your message after the beep.”

He wanted Seokmin to answer the phone, he really did. He always needed someone to talk to whenever he remembered. But, just this once, he was relieved that no one was there to answer his call.

“Oh uhm… hey… Seok?”

Seokmin was listening from his kitchen, chopping up vegetables to cook for dinner.

“Can you… tell mom I’m sorry?”

Seokmin smiles listening to his older brother, wondering whatever he could’ve done this time. It was usually just him forgetting things like to call more often or visit their grandparents at least once a month and it happened all the time.

“And I just… wanted to say thank you.”

Seokmin drops the knife, running as fast as he could to pick up the phone before…

Beep. Beep. Beep.

“Hyung?!”

Jihoon has ended the call.

“Jihoon hyung?!”

Seokmin calls back again and again and again. No answer.

“Jihoon hyung! Please answer the phone.” He begs, crying.

Jisoo, who had just come home from work, runs inside. “Seok! What happened? Are you okay?”

“Can you…” Seokmin manages between sobs, his whole body shaking. “Can you please call mom?”

Seokmin picks up the phone again.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

_…because, when he soon fell numb from it, he felt so free._

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics translation in the intro are from @17_HAMZZI.
> 
> \- - - -
> 
> That final scene was inspired from the movie perks of being a wallflower. I hope it turned out the way I wanted it to be. Do give kudos if you liked it. I am very welcome to comments, good and bad, so if you have them please leave them below.
> 
> \- - - -
> 
> Also, I’d like to explain a little about how I came up with this. SPOILERS AHEAD please do not read if you, for some reason, read notes before reading the fic itself.
> 
> The lyrics in the beginning are words that Jihoon wants to tell seungcheol, his best friend, after he was gone. He’s happy for him being in a much better place but he wasn’t happy for himself, how things turned out in his life. He regretted not telling Seungcheol that he was, in fact, in love with him. Jihoon blamed himself for his death because he thought it would’ve given Seungcheol a reason to hold on and fight for his life. But as the author :) whatever would’ve happened, Seungcheol would still be gone from the severity of the accident. Jihoon fell into severe depression and, in the end, choose what he thought was right for him. Like I said, he missed Seungcheol so much.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
